Deal Player Profiles

Michael Hedges (P10-W3-H1-L6) – “motivational”…”inspirational”…”father figure”…”messiah”… somewhat surprisingly all words that have yet to be used to describe Deal’s dashingly handsome Capitano.

Hedges however likes to focus on the positives and points to the fact that he has been one of the most consistent match-managers the club has ever seen, the only blip in his record coming with a controversial (yet expertly master-minded) tie in the last contest between these two great sides. Always quick off the mark to emphasise that more often than not he has been let down by his team mates, the records throw up a surprising stat that he has in fact recorded the most losses of any Wedger. A strong luncher however, all of his points have come in the afternoon.

Sam Mason (P10-W4-H2-L4) – The Assistant to The Captain and self-designated “Kit Man”. Fiercely loyal to his skipper, The Gorilla is a notoriously slow starter but really comes to the fore in the afternoon, generally scaring his opponents in to submission after a couple of bottles of claret over lunch. With the ever-present threat of gorilla-slams floating in the air, any mentally unstable people / war-veterans on the Walton team should beware. Having played in every match with an overall win ratio of 40%, his total return of 5 points makes him the highest scoring player on the Deal side and a real force to be reckoned with.

Patrik Karrberg (P8-W3-H0-L5) – “The Viking”: this experienced campaigner doesn’t do things by halves, quite literally. A former national-service man, ageing lothario Karrberg torments his prey both on and off the course by utilising the rarely used tactics of total and utter confusion, mixed in with a few sleazy one-liners. However, after a bright start to his Wedge career he has now lost his last three matches and will need to use all of his Scandinavian grit and army-background discipline to stop the rot. Has age finally caught up with the boy who never grew up? Only time will tell…

Graham Fewster (P8-W3-H1-L4) – a.k.a. the Kummel-maestro and one of the fiercest advocates of foursomes golf in the South of England. What he lacks in stature he more than makes up for in crude remarks and Fewster has now forged a very exciting partnership with the Bakerman being as they are unbeaten in their matches together. However, it is unfortunately too often the negatives which grab the headlines, and he will forever be remembered as the man who had victory in the palms of his hands only to go cannon-up at the crucial moment and lift his head all too early…the resulting splash, although entertaining, inevitably proved crucial. Despite his love of the Caraway Seed Liqueur, the little wizard must beware its potent force during the lunch interval – he is currently on a dismal run of three losses from his last four afternoon fixtures.

Martin Fent (P8-W1-H0-L7) – the Big Daddy of the group, loved by the crowds and media alike, Marty is followed by a constant chorus of “Fenton! Oh Jesus Christ…” as he cruises round the course. The man who stepped in at the 11th hour to save Deal in only the second ever Wedge, he has been a stalwart of the team ever since. Sadly however, after a promising start he has now proved himself to be the unluckiest player in Wedge history having been consistently picked with the wrong partners: by the time we tee up on 23 March, it will have been over 17,637 hours since Fray Bentos last tasted a slice of victory pie…

Oliver Baker (P4-W3-H1-L0) – the shining light amongst a team bereft of colour, the Bakery will be looking to build on his stunning 75% WWR (Wedge Win Record). Applying a meticulous science to the great game, he has clock work like consistency. Past opponents / victims have described a state of bamboozlement, and before they knew what was happening the Bakerman was dancing his infamous Bakery victory dance. Quite simply, if you take your eye off the game, like the hair on the Bakermans head, it’s gone. Though the Bakery is more than just a machine on the course, he exudes Wedge spirit and is the first to get tucked in (to all and everything). A Wedge mainstay.

James Earley (P4-W2-H0-L2) – a fine low handicapper, Earlington will be more disappointed than anyone by his 50% Wedge record. This is however his first match on home soil, so expectations are high that points will be delivered in March. An intense training of golf and lash in the Algarve means that he enters this Wedge in the form of his life…as you can see, the world and more importantly his captain, expects….

Tom Yates (P4-W1-H0-L3) – Tommy “Two Sheets to the Wind” Yates announced his golfing ability to the South East of Kent when he won the Borough of Deal at the tender age of 8 years old. However, 15 years and a seemingly endless tale of parties, drink and loose women later and some critics would suggest that such a promising talent has thus far failed to fulfil his destiny. But there are signs that this is soon to change; under the ever-steadying influence of the Bakery he picked up his first point in his last outing and many have him down as the dark horse to secure a first victory for Deal. In addition, he can relax slightly as the club have arranged for a fire-engine to be on hand at all times should he need to be carried home.

Thomas Biggs (P2-W1-H0-L1) – Mr Average is the only person that is over the moon with his Wedge record, being as it is distinctly mediocre. The self-proclaimed “my year” of 2012 came and went without a first win since the Club Championship (Junior) in 2002 (Messrs Tiley, Shepherd & Hedges by that time ineligible). However, he did get to within 7 holes of victory in the Final of the Brassey which is no mean feat for a tiny country mouse. An enthusiastic yet generally unsuccessful drinker, all eyes will be on him to see if perhaps 2013 (unlucky for some) will prove to be his year…

Patrick Glynn (P2-W0-H1-L1) – our Irish import will be making the long journey from the third world to attend his first home Wedge. Having honed his golfing skills growing up next to the simply stunning Lahinch; he is more at home on a links course than Tiger Woods is in a brothel. Expect Glynn to have the bit between his teeth after a rather low points yield in his debut Wedge. Also expect some potential on course napping if lunching gets heavy, though this is not to be mistaken for weakness, he will recover, and with a fair wind has been known to chase down a Lahinch goat from a standing start! Glynn has not made the trip for nothing, and a smart man’s money is on this languid towering swing produce the goods in March.

And a huge welcome to our two debutants:

Elliot Beard – a wonderful public speaker and a man who behaves so badly well, Beardy has a charm absolutely typical of a dapper Scotsman. His seemingly unquenchable thirst for strong drinks and weak women means that he is bound to be a Wedge hit from the offing.

Alex Cork – after years in the golfing doldrums of non-membership; Corky has returned to his beloved Royal Cinque Ports. From the same golfing stables as our esteemed Captain, his game needs no introduction. Also expect strong form from Corky in 19th hole shenanigans, he is so very, very Wedge.